In a Hypnotic State of Mind

Apparently there was a rush of laboring moms right before me. I asked for a water birth room, but both were taken. Despite this, I was relieved when we were finally assigned a room, though I can’t remember the number. Due to hospital policy, I had to be on the fetal heartbeat/contraction monitor for 20 minutes, but they only checked me once, and I was already 8 cm. Guess the weeks of pre-labor had added up.

Once settled in this room, the nursing staff checked me and after that, it was a blur as I focused deeply on my hypnobirthing excersises. Many people have a misconception about hypnosis. I know until this year I was one of them. For one, you can only hypnotize yourself. Yes you can be guided by listening to music or someone’s voice, but you can’t go into this state without your consent. Also, people are confused on what hypnosis feels like. Have you ever watched a movie (as is common in movie theatres) or got so into a book where you get so caught up in the story, resulting in you loosing track of time, your surroundings and even your own body signals? That’s hypnosis! There are different practices to achieve this state, but, according to the Mongan method, which I followed, the deeper you can go into it, the longer you can maintain calm, focus and birth at a more natural state.

So it’s no surprise that time and space was a blur for a while. Unfortunately, coming into this, I had problems achieving the deepest level of relaxation during practice. The reason I choose hypnobirthing in the first place because in my last birth experience with Lauren, which was in the water birth suite at St. Joe’s, I felt I did very well until about 8cm. That’s when I was told we’d be walking from the tub in the bath room to the birthing tub. Well during that tub I just lost all focus and upon entering the birthing tub I began to float, resulting in a complete loss of control of all my senses except those parts able to produce an assortment of swear words and thrashing around like I was possessed. Combined with not knowing what 100% natural child birth felt like, left me in shock and traumatized.

For the first time, I didn’t mind touch during labor, even at the very end, feeling the loving presence of my husband and doula while guided into mediation and self-relaxation.

Hyponobirthing carried me much further than I thought it would. Despite reading the book twice, constantly listening to the CD’s and reaffirming the philosophies of the Mongan Method, in the back of my mind, I had nagging doubts. I have no doubt that if I practiced the most deep mediation more often (I’m restless what can I say, it’s a challenge),the situation was more calm and I had a little more time to settle before labor got so intense, I would of made it to the very end in a relaxed, pain free state in deep meditation.

Let's Do This Already!

Quick Summary: Due Dec. 19th, delivered at 41 weeks, 4 days on Dec. 30th.

Long Version, Part 1: Having gone through labor and delivery successfully three times previously, I became confident that I had control over this process and could prefect it, like one does with an English essay or casserole recipe. This labor was beyond my scale of reference, was I in someone else’s body? Surely I would gradually go into labor before my due date, in an easy, gradual manner?

My due had had come and gone. During these excruciating last weeks of waiting, I had 4 false labors and prodromal labor lasting days. Every time it would start the contractions would get stronger, coming about 4 minutes apart and staying there. This would last a while and eventually I would become exhausted and fall asleep. Labor would diminish and I was left at square one. Nothing worked, birthing ball, stimulation, even, God forgive me, Castor Oil. It was like my uterus was an engine that just wouldn’t kick over. I honestly attribute this to my prescribed Trebutiline that I took so long to stop contractions.

On the night of the 29th, my stomach began hurting a bit. Brian warmed up a chicken pot pie I made but I barely ate any, choosing instead to leave the table early and take a nap. At 7:30pm, I woke up while laying on my left side, my back on the left had excruciating pain, such as the worlds worse Charlie-horse that just wouldn’t ease. Brian used the B&B works Vanilla Jasmine oil and massaged the area which felt good! I was relaxed knowing that I had made the decision, so this got me up and, knowing I was supposed to call St Joe’s Labor and Delivery at 6am to find out when I could be induced that day, decided to spend the night vegging in front of the TV. I didn’t go to bed again until 12:30am, but never entered a deep sleep. I woke up at 2:30 am with that same pain and contractions, coming every 6-10 minutes. This is when it occurred to me that this could be early stages of REAL labor, and what I felt was the infamous back labor. Wondering? It DOES suck! At 2:50am I finally woke up Brian, and he began to keep track of contractions, most of which were stronger, like my last false labor. Here they are…
2:53
2:56
2:59
3:06
3:18
3:24
3:26
3:33
3:38
3:50
3:54
So I finally called the Pearl Place emergency line. While waiting for a return call, I got excited, Bernie was on call Thursday (starting at 8am), and though before delivering at the Birthing inn was out because she would not break my water unless I was in labor. Here I was in actual labor and I dared to dream once again that the Birthing Inn would be it! Kay Jackson returned my call. She was at St Joe’s with 3 other patients from Pearl Place and could not get away. She’d call the manager of Pearl Place, who’d let me in and I could labor there until she arrived. Well after she spoke to the manager, I was disappointed to find out that the Birthing Inn could not be opened until 4:45am, as the manager was an hour away. Now all of my previous active labors have be subsequently shorter, 19, 12 and 8, but for some reason I knew I wouldn’t have enough time. Dashed again! So I decided to go to St Joseph’s Hospital instead where Kay was already with those other moms-to-be.

This particular morning, there happened to be snow on the ground and lots of black ice on the roads. Brian’s acquired Michigan driving skills came in handy, as he navigated smoothly, yet speedily, to the ER. I walked slowly in my slippers across an icy parking lot into the ER, where they, thankfully, didn’t ask me to sit down and admitted me quickly. I was appreciative that some good came out of my pre-term labor scare a few months ago, we knew where to go in the ER and where already in the system, making the whole process stress free and quick.

After being escorted to the 14th floor, I was surprised when they placed me and Brian in the waiting room. It felt like a millennium, but really only 30 minutes. At this point, Brian found the MP3 player. This quick, intense and chaotic labor experience would not of been survivable expect for two things. My MP3 programmed with my Hypnobirthing recording, and my Doula Jessie Keating, who arrived while in the waiting room. During this time I went from being able to talk freely to having to guide myself into the exercises for relief. Jessie was amazing; I totally recommend doulas in general and her specifically. She has a soothing voice and is very intuitive to what the mom needs, guiding me through contractions with a gentle touch of affirmation and guiding Brian in light massage and assistance. We both felt more empowered! I can’t thank her enough or stop singing her praises!

Midwife’s Marveled Madness

So again, God had other plans and I was upset that fate seemed to be against my heavenly birthing plan. On Monday December 27th, at 41 weeks, I went in for a non-stress test, have the membrane striped, and hopefully my water broke. Well early that morning I got a call from the Birthing Inn, ironically, the main water line to the entire Pearl Place 1 building broke (including their offices and the Birthing Inn) sometime during the Christmas weekend. Having no water, they could not function, but still wanted to see me, seeing as they could still do the NST, and check me out. The NST was fine, and I saw Joan, who would have broken my water IF the building water hadn’t broken first! Crying with frustration, Joan coordinated between the Birthing Inn and St Joe’s (in case I had to be transferred) as to when I can be induced. Unfortunately, to deliver at the Birthing Inn, you can’t be medically induced, but can have your water broken. I was told by Joan that she would bring me in Wednesday morning to the Birthing Inn and break the water. Well I got a call Wednesday morning saying that Kay, who was supposed to be meeting me at the Birthing Inn, was stuck at St Joe’s delivering 3 women from Pearl Place and couldn’t break my water. Apparently only one of them is on call to deliver at a time, and she said I would have to wait until Sunday, January 2nd as Bernie on call Thursday, doesn’t break water unless you’re already in active labor, and Friday, being the 31st was a bad day. By now you can imagine I was fuming. What the?!?!? I was almost 42 weeks pregnant and this on top of a lot of other negative experiences with the Pearl Place midwives had me so livid. I was about ready to stage a sit-in protest on the front porch of the Birthing Inn! So what other alternative did I have? I agreed to call in at 6am to St Joe’s on Thursday and, with the Midwives blessings, get medically induced. Why? Because first I was as miserable as miserable as one could get. I had 4 false labors and was told on many occasions by different medical professionals I would deliver by 39 weeks (dec.13). But Christmas had come and gone with no baby and after all that had happened that I couldn’t fathom, having this baby in January of 2011 was where I drew the line. But most importantly, I had a feeling of dread if she didn’t come out soon. I know her movements where less frequent, which is common, but I knew that we both we miserable and something would go wrong if she didn’t arrive soon. I was becoming more paranoid by the day. When this time finally came and I had to face that I may not deliver at the Birthing Inn. I was sick of being in limbo and having others dictate how this would go down. So at 41 weeks and 3 days, I made the choice between my potential dream delivery and following that nagging sense of doom. Would I rather wait and deliver at the Birthing Inn or take the precaution and deliver at St Joe’? Now I’m more of a spontaneous, trusting person. I have always believed that if I listen to my heart with a clear mind and have faith, everything will work out. So when my heart told me to take caution, I was a bit confused and second guessing myself. My midwife, after Adelia’s birth said “The Birthing Inn just wasn’t in the cards.” But I know that God’s intervention came into play.

Unexpected

My fourth and final child, Adelia Jolyn Hinkley, is finally here. I love and adore her. She has blessed my life with her presence and I am so happy that this pregancy, which was unexpected in so many ways, ended in my heathly baby girl.

Right from the beginning, Adelia and I went through quite a journey together. This pregnancy was so different than any one of my other three. Never had I been so wrong before about what I thought I knew. She broke all my theories on pregnancy and gender. But at the time I took this challenge to my deepest instincts on a pendulum ride, swinging between worry and doubting everything I feel, to digging in my heels in the foundation of belief.

Now off this roller coaster ride, these lessons appear clearer. Some include…

Subsequent babies might not come earlier. Nate was born at 41 weeks, Riley on his due date and Lauren 6 days early. Adelia arrived at 41 weeks 6 days.

Pregnancies of the same gender can be night and day different. Same dad, same weight, same body, so what gives? I was extremely sick from 7 to 14 week, mostly at night when dad was at work. I had wicked heartburn, swollen everything, craved sweets, and hurt constantly. With Lauren, I barely knew I was pregnant.

Even instincts can be wrong. Deep down I was positive she was a boy. My instincts with all the other kids, from gender to delivery, were correct. So imagine my shock when each ultrasound confirmed that I was carrying a girl.

Still, even with all this mental and physical chaos and the doubts it sprung, I clung to the belief that my third trimester would be easy, delivery would take place earlier and labor would be just as planned.

BIGGEST LESSON LEARNED: Trust in God and his plan, he whispers to you, follow his agenda and not your own, even if it’s not exactly what your heart desires. Guess I wasn’t paying attention during the pregnancy so it took a big ol’ slap across the face from God during labor and delivery to learn this.

Fall Puyallup Fair

The one tradition we have as a family, longer than any other, is the fall Puyallup Fair. I debated whether or not to go, hugely pregnant, but my friend's son plays guitar and vocals in the band Society's Voice, and I wanted to catch their last performance, the next to last day in late September.

The Fair has so many different options. This time we seemed to gravitate towards the animals and rides. Lauren and Riley (Nate was gone) where so into the animals. Seriously, they could of stayed quietly for hours looking at goats, cows, pigs etc.

milking Ol' Bessy

I suppose to balance this off, they wanted to go on some extreme rides, most which they've never been on!

Though Lauren insisted she wasn't scared, she wanted to go on the Haunted Pirate ride. She did come out covering her eyes!

Riley wanted to try out the Mad Mouse, my favorite ride as a kid. It's a smaller, but tall, metal coaster where you seriously feel that you'll fall off the edge at multiple times. Here is his before and after picture. Brian had fun too!

The scariest part, for my anyway, is my baby girl very much wanting to ride the giant swings. Mind you, she is tall enough, though only 4 years old. And these swing up very high, and wide, spinning fast, with only a metal bar across the torso and chain between the legs to keep her in. I tried to hide my terror, smiled and took deep breaths. Though once it began moving, I started crying a bit and had to hold on to Brian for support. She of course LOVED it and was jumping up and down once off.

Guess Lauren is so over the tamer KidVille area.

42 and renewed

This February, my parents Mark and Mary participated in our church's 1st marriage renewal ceremony near Valentine's Day. Being the first, I wasn't sure what to expect, but it turned out to be very sweet; a recommintment to each other and their relationship with God.



It was so sweet how much my mom was into it. She chose purple as her wedding color and had matching flowers :)

After the service all three of their kids and families took them out to eat at their favorite restaurant, IHOP. CONGRATULATIONS MOM AND DAD!!!

In the beginning...I was fit

Going way back in 2010, I was actually very fit!

We were members of the YMCA, and my friend Kendra and I decided to run the Fun Run 5k in early April. I trained by doing cardiovascular and strength training a few times a week and running 5k at least twice a week. Buff mama!

This year the rest of the family did the 1 mile. Nate registered for the 5k but changed his mind. Lauren ran with Brian and their time was very good, though she was freezing and very grumpy. Nate was 2nd or 3rd in his division and Riley finished somewhere in the middle.

Included in your registration fee for the 5k is a runners shirt. The Y never fails to shock and awe, this year it was a ghastly, stop traffic type of yellow. You can see it in the dark it's so bright
Kendra never got hers but she didn't seem too broken up about it... yikes! The only good aspect of this was that even when runners wore them underneath jackets, a little sliver of bright yellow was always visible.

Though thankfully not rainy, that day was VERY cold. Not just in temperature, but there was an Arctic wind that we were running against in the beginning that would take my literal breath away. I had to stop running and walk backwards to breathe. So this is what ashma feels like!

Kendra and I started by running together but she is much more of a runner and got a stellar time of about 25 minutes. Though I felt like I was moving slowly, thanks in large part to the wind, I'm proud to have ran most of it. On the way back up the hill to the finish line, I was pacing this old bag-lady type (see picture) and dangit, I was determined to beat her, which I did, though barely! My time was around 38 minutes and that is fantastic as I have never ran a 5k in less than 40 minutes.

Now funny thing is, this was the last time I had a real work out in 2010. Unknown to me, at the time of this run, I was about a week pregnant with baby #4! Two days later my period was due and never came :) Thus ended my running streak.